A New Season
I'm attempting to awaken my blog~~~ It has been about 6 (long) years since I have scribed my words/thoughts/ramblings "publically" and I am hoping all starts-up correctly with this expedition!
...and holy google/google+ has me confused/annoyed with not being able to figure out how to -or if it is even possible- to link my existing blog to my existing google+ account. #Fail.
We'll get this thing figured out! ...or I will just be posting to myself, and well, it'd be a nice change to write letters to myself instead of simply talking to me <3
BUT- if it does succeed: Looking forward to catching up with my blog friends! :)
How many bites does it take?
I have been absolutely plagued (excuse the pun) by the following scripture in the past few days. The more I think I grasp it, the more I am thwarted in my current paradigm of our Creator God...
The Isrealites, as usual, are complaining and unhappy with their freedom from slave life in Egypt and miraculous blessings which the God of Moses continues to provide for them.
They begin complaining about not having meet to eat (with a side whine for fruit and spices...and not that I can say that I wouldn't be joining them in their chants...girl likes to get her steak on, ya know).
But we find them whining again, and complaining throughout the camp, enough to make their uncertain leader -Moses- uncomfortable and loathesome of his position. (certainly there is an entire lesson in this chapter about the struggles of leadership and deligation). But the issue that gets to me is found in the following verses:
People Complain: 11:4-6
(Which, may we be so rich as to remember the MIRACLE and BLESSING that their receiving of the Manna was!!)
Moses complains to the LORD about the people's complaining: 11:11-15
-First the LORD provides direction for Moses to share this burden of leadership, then--
The LORD tells Moses what to tell the Isrealite campers: 11:18-20
Moses doubts (come on Moses! Have you learned nothing?!) and the LORD (sarcastially) rebukes his feable-mindedness: 11:21-23
So a whole bunch of things fall into place, Moses follows directions and eventually him and those who were choosen to share the burden of his difficulties return to camp where a great wind from the LORD is literallyFLYING in fish from the sea! Which, of course, sends all of these complain-y pants people out gathering for 2 days!! :11:31-32
WOO-HOO!!! Everyone's happy!!
......not so much.... then-->
"..while the meet was still
between their teeth, and
before it could be consumed, the anger of the LORD burned against the people, and he struck them.with.a.severe.plague." 11:33.
What?!?!
God provides for them a miracle, answering a cry his people have voiced....and it kills those who partake in it??!!!
This is where my Bible fell to my lap and my mind-hamster began jogging....
I get God being angry.
I get him plaguing, leading to death, of those who complained.
...but why after all that effort???
...why lead Moses and the other leaders through so much? (i believe it was to teach them-namely, thick-headed Moses- a good solid lesson of His power, control, reliability, and over all dominating capability)..
But the aspect I continue to ponder is this:
The manna didnt kill anyone (if they followed the instructions it came with).
...yet there isnt too much of a difference to how they first got the manna.
They whined, Moses complained, the LORD gave instructions....
the manna came. prayers answered. they ate. ...no dying!
I'm only thinking...experience would have taught the fickle Isrealities that such a miraculous blessing from God would be good!
...When do we know if a blessing from God- an answer to our complaining and desires- will lead us to 'death'?
**note(I do believe a great lesson from this story is our need to be thankful and full of praise for what we HAVE. not had. not "could have". but rejoyous with conentment for what, where, we ARE)**
Get BacK
This has been such an amazing year~~ ...already! Which basically makes me a bit nervous of how the rest will go- but ultimately, anxious n xcited for the unknown 2 play out!
There have been so many visitors (friends and family) in town since new years that a girl has found time to breathe occasionally difficult~~ and couldnt be loving it more!! :-)
And, while the adventures have never been long, they have been crazy/fulfilling/enjoyable/testing/and welcomed.
From Skydiving the first week (profile pic) to extreme nights at karaoke clubs-- to days spent in the parks-- to late nights laughing, watching movies, and enjoying bonfires with friends... Seeing my sister turn 18, being there for my girls when they get their heart broken, having friends take me out when my heart gets dropped-- to shopping therapy, sunny days-- cool evenings, lots of reading~~ and releasing of hindrances that can go untouched 4 years.
*sigh*
no, it hasn't all been smooth~~ but it has all been real~ fully experienced. i've fought for my job-- i've had other people fight with me for my job~~ i've had people throw me down with disrespect and fight against me with backstabbing lies.
i have fallen. i have gotten back up. i have kept on dancing.
(none of which i couldve done on my own...)
honestly... I have felt like ME again. for the first time in over 15 months~ and ... it has been fantastic. I dont know all of the reasons why I have finally re-gathered~ or a time to come when all of the hurt will be healed--> but i DO know enough about my God, my ambition, my confidence foundation, my desires- 2 Continue. 2Smile. 2share love. 2 live with arms wide open... rejoice through whatever~ whatever fills the pages that are currently unwritten.
and a lot of that i owe to a lot of you. 4 sharing your life with me. 4 being real, 4 being there... out there...
theres no way to end this in a sweep~~ so alas- its good 2 be back.
<3
the RealiTy is...
remember those good old time television shows, where the family would all sit down to a hot dinner of homemade mashed potatoes, steamed veggies, and turkey roast~ and the first thing the parents would say after grace was "and what did you learn today jr?" ....? welp... i've only been called jr once in my life, but here is what i learned today...
I am weak
I have been holding God back
There is a great work going on around me, and i have been standing in the way (unbeknownst) 2 what God was trying to do through me.
I have been fearful. and not of God's power...
I have been intimidated by tasks, expectations, deadlines, and experiences
I have been selfish
i have made excuses
i have made poor attempts
i have allowed myself to be limited
...to be persuaded (that all that i was doing was all that i could do)
...to be... content
to be overwhelmed
God Is Great! (just ponder that statement..allow it to siiiiiiinnnnnnnnk innnnnnnn....) His Might Will Prepare me- Sustain me- and MAke Me EnoUgH!!!
He does not only limit us to what we can handle when we are being tempted... but he also gives us
only what we CAN handle in our work, in our life, in our ministry, n' in the expectations of greatness that lay on us...
i dont want to stand in His way any longer.....
Be Great in me 2day Father. Help me 2 know only Your power, use only
Your strength, and see only Your vision, -2 feel only
Your love, pursue only Your acknowledgement, and seek only
Your satisfaction.
I know that you long 2... plz,
be Great in me 2day.4 this strecth- i can not reach without you.
im ready 2 jump ~~ and i NEED you to MaKe me fly
"be near, oh God-be near"
i finally understand what it truly means- that i Must become Less- so that You may become MoRe...
...i can finally see, that this overwhelming feeling only overwhelms- because i have only been me...
Abba, tu es amor.
<3k
(it is a blessing to see the confidence they have in me - and a comfort to know, i can lay that on You)
da truth
Truthfully,
I am having a gooood time. This weekend was hard- there are lonnnng hours, and longer days. but overall- I am enjoying this life. I enjoy my j.o.b. I miss friends like crazy. Just having people that i know~ people to ComEOveR (as of now-ive always had to 'go', which isnt a problem- its simply nice to occasionally spend time on home/ recognizable turf).
The students are pretty fabulous. And I just kicked off a new drama ministry last night with another gal down here. We did a skit last night for the high school sevrice to introduce it~~ and it went over realll well--YAY! P.T.L. is all i can say.
At times i feel fully overwhlemned. but the time hanging out with the students makes it all worth it. Or the time with the guys i work with- they're a riot. even today, we went up to one of the high school's to visit with students during lunch periods- and we had just bowls of laughs in the car on the way there. Its still different though, cuz even them- who im spending so much time with- still do not know ME. really know. or what i struggle with, or what my history is like, or what my needs are (although, they do know my favorite milkshake~ which earns tons of points) ;)
but again... i miss those kinda friends. the community of being known, and being loved regardless.
ANNNNND~~ i've had recent pains-of-absence for dear ol' 'DownUnder' ...and now that it is seeming that i wont be able to go to Europe (enter sad face here) I wish i could jus trade the time to come visit!...but, unfortunately, the plane ticket is a bit more... (enter sadder face here) and Sara n i have talked about it...n' its jus wrong.
whaddya'll do 2 us??! what is IN that WaTer!??
;-)
<3
oh my shan... :)
Sooo... great moment:
super sad time had when i had 2 take my sister 2 the airport 2 leave me... except with my 2 co-workers it was basically impossible 2 be sad~ guys that great jus dont allow that to happen :) ~neway, by the time i got back to the house tho, the saddness hit a bit. it was setteling in as i was driving- and by the time that i walked through the door, i was sighing.... only 2 reach the stairs n see my first peice of mail!!
a package from Shannyn!!!!! =D hooray 4 smiles (although, the ache of my heart in its 'missing you' state did still cause some tears upon reading teh letter n looking through the contents)
but the aussie bible is high-larry-ous!! n i cant wait to move into my office so i can put up the picture sheet.
*~ and a great thing that i love bout this lil rich town... RoUnDabOutS!!! theres even one to get on my street~~ impossible NOt to think of ya'll everyday! ~*
:o)
<3
a whole new world
Well, this can't be a long one~ as much as it does deserve to be...
I am in Fl- half-way through my first day of 'work'. Two meetings down baby! and the first thing that strikes the gong of unfamilarity is all the discussion concerning our 'hurricane plans and procedures'. We're not expecting to get it bad, but services have alreay been cancelled for the next couple days (although, work has not been) mer... ;o) It's a welcoming enviornment- and there are plenty of friendly faces, and warnings, and advice, and questions, and -of course- expectations. oh-oh!! i got to see my business card today!! its soo cool. =) we're having our first launch for our new church this sunday (im working at one church- on 3 campuses, i am the student director of my campus, the newest one, being held out of a local high school).
My sister and i got in yesterday evening and began unpacking into my new home- with my new 'seregate family' as they have been reffered to as. The Peri's. Ingrid and Ron. They have 4 children of their own- all grown, most married, some with children. It's a huge house- talllll ceilings, and they are sweet people. gonna be an interesting arrangement to get accustumned to. having my sister here has been the biggest blessing.
for the support, the hugs, the extra hands for unpacking ;) , the laughter, and the diagnosing of aawkward situations. hehe... *sigh* she flew into Georgia sunday evening- where i picked her up and we crashed at a hotel for the night. I had traveled there from camp ini southern ohio after having some of my great friends get hitched. :) it was beautiful!! and such an amazing time getting to hang out with everyone before i left... after the wedding we had a party at my friends justin's house--all the past camp people were there. we ranged in ages from 27- 17, and we were all like family. laughing, chatting, swimminig, hott tubing, singing karoke, watching south park, chatting, hugging, throwing those fully dressed into the pool. (t-hehehe) the next morning, my boys took me to breakfast (@ 2) at bob evans before i took off. I friggen Love them sooo much! =) Brock, Justin, and I had a fab time.
they both mean sooo much to me, and have been steady men in my life- a rariety. and they've both been my date to a formal! so thats always fun to watch them compete--lol.... aww, i miss em...
n-e-way..
ohp! i gotta run.
luv ya'll
fo shizzle
<3
